You won't see this in the files
by lexiaarcadia
Summary: warnings: Spoilers , Spoilers, Spoilers for those that have not seen Any Eps, but nothing major. Summery: Somehow Owen has gotten himself into a bit of a baby situation and its up to Jack and co to work out what to do next.


title: You won't see this in the files  
author: lexiaarcadia  
fandom(s): Torchwood  
pairing (if applicable): N/A  
rating: PG13 ISH  
disclaimer: No copy write infringement intended, the characters belong to the BBC, and no money is being made from this.  
warnings: Spoilers , Spoilers, Spoilers for those that have not seen Any Eps, but nothing major.  
Summery: Somehow Owen has gotten himself into a bit of a baby situation and its up to Jack and co to work out what to do next.  
Prompt: Mpreg…  
Authors note: Not beta read, A throw away line inspired this. it's the resident pets POV….because what's more cracked than a dino's point of view?

Since arriving through the rift I have seen many things. I guess I am not the only one that has gone astray on my journey, I am in pretty good company in fact and there is plenty of sheep and stuff on hand. The people whom caught me are not so bad either, well I am not too fond Of Owen, you know my target practice on his head was not accidental but even I have to pity him today. Though it's Gwen I feel really sorry for.

You see during her, admittedly short time working for Torchwood she has seen many things. However despite meeting me, The weevil, sex addicted Aliens and her new workmates nothing could have prepared her for this. I guess somehow I have become attuned to human thoughts, I guess it happened when I came through the rift but she thought it was not possible. However there is absolutely no doubt about it, biology aside, that Owen Harper was most definitely bloated. His skin had gone like my mothers when she had her next kid and his back ached. He seemed grumpy too, I think Jack called it pregnancy. I like Jack, he sneaks me the occasional lamb in from the supermarket. He and everyone else thought it was funny, well it served Owen right, he had laughed when Jack had gone through it. It was their laughter that woke me up.

However despite the humour the situation was dangerous. Like a Hungry T-Rex, which is why I am glad that I was born with wings. I can fly higher than them.

But the day had started normally enough. Tosh was investigating something gooey that had arrived from the rift, Ianto had cleaned up from my successful feeding and Jack was talking to Gwen. He was telling her tales from past cases and explaining about how I had arrived. Owen had yet to arrive, however that was not unusual for Owen. Normally when he was late he smelt funny and was all bleary eyed. Jack was relaxed about it though. Then Ianto started talking into the strange thing that makes strange noises before leaving in the thing that moves and carries people. Oh what's it called again, oh yes the car.

When Ianto came back, he had Owen with him. Then Jack was not relaxed. In fact Jack started yelling things like "What did you take this time" and "You decided to try what?". Then he put Owen in the funny cave that traps people. The same one that Gwen kissed (as they called it) the other girl in.

Owen felt really stupid about being left in there. He was still being cocky though denying that it was his fault. Well he should feel stupid taking the UFO thingy home when he did not know what it was. If they had asked me I could have told them that it replicated reproduction. Though no one bothers to ask the pet.

The team started pressing things on the new human things. When I was around humans had clubs and hunted. Now they don't use clubs. They use things I don't want to understand. I flew around guarding the team from the thing that lurks in the shadows. I am a good guard. I think they where trying to work out how to remove the UFO thingies baby out of Owen. I didn't care about that for Ianto had meaty things for me. I like Ianto, he plays with me. Well that's when he is not with his female in the basement, he looks after her so well.

Anyhow apparently the weevil made itself known right about then. And someone brought in pizza. Which is when Jack remembered something important. Like how the baby was removed from him before. Which is lucky because Owen did not like having offspring inside him, and the feeling was mutual. The Weevil was compatible though. Luckily not everything was destroyed in the carnage at "Cannery Warf!" and the relevant tool was found. To me it looked like a hose thing attached to the end of two darlek arms. I do not like Darleks they tried to shoot at me. I can fly faster than them though, they don't fly through trees either like I can. However it was not what I thought it was, look I am not used to this so I may get things wrong.

Anyway the weevil was press ganged into service. The darlek arm was attached to its stomach region and another Darlek arm was put over Owens. I know it was not really a darlek arm but like I say that's what it looked like so that's what it is getting called. Apparently it done what it should to the Weevil but not to Owen. It just made Owen scream a lot , it looked painful.

Ianto later told me that Owen went into the birthing process then. It might be important to say that the whole conception to labour part was 16 hours. Not even we hatch our young that quick. Anyway there was only one way baby was to be delivered I would thing. I got the end wrong though, it came out of his mouth. I know Owen had a big mouth but not big enough to hatch something that big.

Tosh had to help him though. She had the smallest hands to yank it out whilst everyone else held Owen down. Even the Weevil helped. The Weevil didn't like Owen either. I think it was a bit confused by the whole thing.

Unfortunately Owen and Weevil survived. However the baby did not. I know some aliens where babies eat their mothers however in this case the Weevil had not been fed Lamb, or duck, or even Pizza. Pizza is tasty but never has enough meat on it. Even the meat feast one. The baby did though. The Weevil enjoyed it anyways. Gwen got a bit upset by that, Ianto had to calm her down with some of Torchwoods special drugs. He makes it so it looks like tea but we know its not. It's our secret. Jack got upset about the Weevil breaking Jacks hand. Well not his actual hand, the Doctors hand. Jack is fond of it though, he talks to it sometimes as he does the glow and bright lights thing he does occasionally. He uses it for other stuff to, but I do not want to talk about that, I go for a fly about outside when he does that.

But anyhow Owen went home after that, a bit shaken. It did not last for long, when he returned to work, he was his usual brutish self, I took to using his desk for target practice again after that!


End file.
